Conversation with a 44' conductor

Since I moved to the Roysy side of life (Roysambu), I have come to realize that things are not so rosy after all in this area of Nairobi. One unrosy bit is the exorbitant busfare rates. Living around Thika road is like living on that hill in Meru where apparently water flows upwards if you pour it down the hill (I am yet to personally confirm this). The busfare along Thika Road becomes less expensive the further away you live from the main road. E.g. Mwiki residents pay half the fare that Kasarani people pay and Roysambu guys pay thrice the fare that Kahawa West and Zimmerman people are charged. It’s an unfair world. And with such pricing models you wonder why the Kenyan economy is lagging behind.

Roysambu Motorbikers Club

Anyway, my main concern on this particular Tuesday morning as I made my way to work was the customer service route 44 guys were serving. I naturally ignored all the boda boda motorcycles along the way to the stage in a bid to cut expenses. They simply greeted me and continued chatting the morning away. Once I made it to the stage, I stealthily walked behind all the flashy 44 Nissans to get to the other side near the roundabout where the shadier but more affordable matatus stopped by every once in a while (in other words I activated sufferer mode). Unfortunately, they were extremely scarce this time and I had to prove my resilience against the scorching Thika Road sun. Unbeknownst to me the route 44 conductors had spotted me in my beaming, sweaty forehead glory and marked me out as an evader.

Once I realized that the 44 mats were going to get full and leave me there waiting for an economy class ride, I decided to throw in my white flag and board them. But one conductor in a Gor Mahia jersey had it in for me. Before I could step inside the mat, he popped up in my way in a confrontational manner

CONDUCTOR: Saa hii ndio unaona upande gari saa zile inaenda kujaa?

ME: Uh. Eh (in a “don’t be so obvious” tone)

CONDUCTOR: Uache ufala. Hatukujangi hapa hubarizi. Sasa mbona unajiona unaeza panda za zile inaenda kujaa. Ulikuwa unasimama hapo ukingoja?

ME: (I squint at him with an unbelieving expression and after a pause, try to find the right words for this idiot…) Unataka niingia Mat ama nisiingie?

CONDUCTOR: Kama unaona huwezi ingia hizi mat zetu usikuje kusimama hapa. Ama unataka kutupunish?

ME: Naeza simama hapa all day. In fact naeza simama kwa keja yangu kaa nataka kungojea mat huko. Mi ndio customer na nitadecide ile time nitapanda. In fact wacha hata nisimame hapa.

So I proceed to wait a bit more just to spite the guy.

CONDUCTOR: Customer kitu gani. Hii mat haina customer. Kila mtu hapa ni customer na kama hupandi usikuje kusimama hapa. 

ME: (totally ignoring his ass)

One of my economy class mats from Kahawa West comes by to save the day and it was charging me 60 percent of what the 44 dufus was charging. I jolt into it immediately and give the 44 conductor one long hard look that said “Sharrrrap!”

Moral of the story: Customer is not only King, he is Emperor.