Rule #223 Communication

When I call you, I am the one who will hang up.
When you call me, you should say bye before you hang up
If you call me at anytime between 11pm  and 9 a.m I wont pick up
Ill be sleeping
Ill only pick up if you are calling me in my dreams
But if you call me at anytime between 11pm  and 9 a.m you had better be a girl
Then I might pick up

Unless you're an ex
If you are an ugly ex, then you should text
It rhymes with ex
But it also rhymes with sex
But that's not the point

When you call me and I tell you I'll call you back then hang up
I'm probably in a noisy place
If I don't call you back
Then I wasn't in a noisy place
You are probably a noisy person
If you are naturally a noisy person I probably won't pick up
You should text
It helps reduce the volume

If I call you a lot then you are probably either female or rich or my bandmate or my boss
If I dont call you at all its because you used up all my airtime the last time I called
And then you didn't call back
Be a responsible calling-back-kind-of-person

When it comes to texts I prefer short texts
That's why they call them short message services

Script #9 The Job Interview

Ryan walks into the office escorted by Ms. Jane Njeri

He proceeds to head to the only empty chair in the room after staring at it briefly.

Mr Nganga: How are you Ryan?

Ryan: Fine. Very fine sir.

Mr Nganga: My name is Mr Nganga and I will be taking you through this interview. So firstly tell me about yourself.

Ryan: Well I don’t where to start. I’m a 22 year old graduate from Strathmore University

Mr Nganga: We know that its in your CV

Ryan: Right…

Mr Gichuru: Tell us why we should pick you. What’s so different about you.

Ryan is caught off guard  by the suddenness of the question and smiles nervously.

Ryan: Well I am passionate about graphics… about Art in general. I used to do it when I was a child. But more importantly, I have a distinct style.

Mr. Gichuru: Do you have examples of your kind of style you might want to show us?

Ryan: I sent them to you along with my C.V.

Mr. Gichuru: Well, I don’t seeme to have them here. Do you have them Mr. Nganga?

Mr Nganga shakes his head to confirm he too does  not have them.

Ryan: But they were in the envelope I sent with my C.V

Mr Gichuru (smiling): Ok we will follow it up. Do you have something artistic you can do right now to show us this brilliant artistic nature of yours? … anything at all?

Ryan then pauses with sweat already trickling onto his forehead. He then slowly reaches into his briefcase and pulls out a paper and a pen. He starts to draw Mr. Nganga’s face. Just as he makes it halfway through the portrait, Mr Gichuru interrupts him

Mr Gichuru: Let me have a look at that.

Ryan pushes over the piece of paper to Mr. Gichuru.

Mr Gichuru: What do you think Nganga?

Mr Nganga pauses for a while and assesses the picture before responding…

Mr Nganga: I think we have ourselves an artist

Mr Gichuru: And I think you have yourself a job.

The Ninja

Like a real ninja warrior I persevere onwards

My sword is drawn

And my pants are torn

It doesn’t matter which road I’m on

As long as I make it there

Before the crack of dawn

The crack of Dawn

Tufts its clouds over me

And wrinkles my countenance

Like a canopy

It breaks the sun rays

And bellows

“Shine, my son!”

“Shine, before the sun outshines you, my son!”

So I defy gravity

By boarding a plane

I walk through walls

On the saddle of a crane

‘Any means possible’ will do

Divine and mortal too

And at last I beg the heavens

Don’t drench my armor in rain

Let my thirst for glory be quenched

As I sojourn new terrains

When they come to say my name

Let it be in merry refrain

Workaholics = Awesome

Workaholics is awesome.

 It’s sheer awesome-stry. Sure its gross but it’s also funny and its creative. It was so awesome it made me write this. And I always diligently pull my hat off for anything with creative tendons on it. You see, I am the man who consumes media for inspiration. I do not consume it to be informed… ok sometimes I do but not all the time. That’s because I’m human. 

As humans we do not suck on file packed USB drives for lunch or load Rss feeds complete with statistical reports for dessert. We need something more. We need something that connects to our soul beyond what is factual; stuff like Workaholics. I could come up with 300 reasons why the show is nothing but a joke but in the end, they would all point out to the fact that it's exactly what I accuse it to be -  A very funny joke.

 What’s more is that its fast. The jokes keeps flying with each and every exchange of dialogue and it’s all fresh humour. It’s not stale stuff that you probably heard before in The Office or Weeds. These writers were on a roll when they came up with this one. I wouldn’t be surprised if they were reported to have been high on a roll of weed too while they were doing the scripts. As usual, the makers of Workaholics proved that the three man bandwagon of comedic weedheads will always pull together a killer show in this day and age of narcotic hedonism. It worked for the Hangover, it worked for Project X and Horrible Bosses, it was definitely bound to work with Workaholics.