So Far So Cold

Stuck in my mind
Cant leave the thought of you behind
I'm sinking inside
All I feel is you within me

We are like the golden ratio,
Perfect yet ever disassembled
I tick you
You tick me
We tick each other off
Then try fix each other up
In split seconds, the cycle resumes
It's like splitting the atom

Now the flat line has met us.
The need to stay alive has never been so great!
The need to speak and listen never so strong
But we know this all looks too familiar
Would you prefer rehab?
there are all sorts of alternative medicines here
What? Its not getting any better?
Not that the addiction was any worse

I guess some things are better left tamed than mutilated
So now you're

Stuck in my mind
Can't leave the thought of you behind
I'm sinking inside
All I feel is you within me

Confessions of a Music Addict

I just packed up my phone with a collection of songs that I had been craving for, for a while.
Some White Stripes, a few Nirvana classics and Smashing Pumpkins hits to name a few.
This was pretty much a result of going on multiple mono-band diets. I needed to break the habit.
It started with the Gorillaz. I munched on those strange Damon Albarn tunes for a couple of months before moving on to the Queens of the Stone Age. With QOTSA, I was looking for something grittier and more (not to sound cliche) Rock and Roll! I obsessed with this band for half a year (if not more). When you’re plugged into a band, it's pretty much like a trance. No other band matters. You hardly notice the months passing by as you ignore every other musician in existence. It’s like falling in love with an art concept.

I was pretty certain QOTSA would never get old in my ears.

Queens of the Stone Age

Then trip hop happened - again. I had a trip hop phase back in 2011. It faded away as soon as I quit my job. Maybe it was a sedative against all the pressure and general glumness of working a 9-5. So it was no coincidence that my trip hop urges resurrected as soon I tripped into another 9 - 5 job.

This time I wasn't into just any trip hop act. I was hungry for a big chunk of Massive Attack music. I had listened to the group's music before and wasn’t really head over heels about it back then which was essentially when I was a teenager with a limited appreciation for music. But since I was suddenly gaining a larger interest in electronic music this year, I decided to get a more determined listen at what Massive Attack’s music was all about. The more I struggled to understand it, the more I wanted to listen to it. The enigma of establishing what drove their music itself was enough to get me hooked. Soon I was singing Massive Attack lyrics in my head and humming to the beats.

Massive Attack

At least this time, I was sure I would get over this particular band fast, if I didn’t crack their structure in a few more months. Their music is experimental but overall, from a bird’s eye point of view, it’s still very monotonous. And I wouldn’t blame them. When you’re in a genre that is that limiting, you can only end up inventing variations of your previous song ideas.

Now I’m kind of glad my mono-band addictions are over. Yes, it is a form of addiction that you will praise until you feel it drag you down. The you just wanna cut loose and listen to anything else. Then everything feels normal again.

Life is Amorphous

Life is amorphous,
It is.

You roll around thinking that you have everything under control, only to come across an unfamiliar situation which demands a Yes or No answer. The situation often ends with an annoying buzz sound to signify that you failed the question. Next! You learn a lesson and think you are growing. Then you reflect and realize that your life just got a lot more complicated or a lot more out of control.

Everyone is looking for that moment when everything is just basking on a plateau of conformity. We are all hoping that we will know what all our days will be like no matter where we go because we have the code in our heads for all that can possibly happen. But what about adventure! What about the element of surprise! In a way it makes sense, considering that no one really forces us to do anything. It is all a matter of choice based on what we value. The problem lies right there where we dont know what we value the most. Putting in extra hours for that client or sleeping and enjoying the night for once. Going out or staying indoors. Talking to that colleague or giving him the bitter end of the central muscle on our knuckles? Decisions decisions decisions.

But then when you remember that's its not a matter of life and death, you realize that it doesn't really matter and you can do what you wanna! You knock a few heads, rub a few shoulders and say to yourself "They'll live" and they usually do! 231 times out of 232, they do. Because its never that serious. Life that is. Within this mantra of adventure and discovery, you become what some people call a person without any principles or values in life which, introspectively, translates to ~ A free person.

Animal Instinct

Bray went the donkey. Cluck went the hen and 'Low' went the cow. 
Old McDonalds please save this farm. 
Lest the animals take charge with Orwell's arms. 
The men have gone Tarzan on their fellow beasts. 
But this Romance is Dead. 
Ask that deceased fowl in Nyeri town. 
Should we blame the law,
the economy or that uncouth bunch of damsels at the coastal edge,
who shared floors with mongrels on a pay per view page?
(not to make it's more digestible on a paperview page)

No!
It must have been a system malfunction 
Brought about by toxic reactions
Alcohol induced attraction?
(AIA! they'll name it)
Marry Jo' Anna?
(No the chicken did not live to walk down the aisle)
Or some sort of "Juju"
(In this part of the country?)

Or maybe its just the animal,
the Animal Instinct in us
(Old McDonald, we have a jungle)

Grid of Greed

If you had one million shillings what would you do?

Bow before it,

And call it the god of you?

Show it to the world,

For them to follow cue?

Change your behaviour,

And call yourself “brand new”?

Would you buy the whole world,

Or would the whole world buy you?

If you had one million shillings who would you buy?

Who would you deny ten minutes,

to save yourself nine?

Would you tear down souls,

And pay in kind?

Would you wrap love in silver chains

And call it blind?

If you had one million shillings where would you take it?

Would you bury it far away

Where no one can take it?

Would you drop it in an ocean of poverty,

For loan sharks to bait with?

Would you place it in the hands of

Those with greatest need

or

Would you let it orbit

Inside the grid of greed?

It's been a while, Light years even

Yes it’s been a while and in the process of vanishing from this blog, I have emerged through another rabbit hole – a 9 to 5. In addition to freelancing and killing myself with a start up that is running on empty, I decided to plunge myself into a monotonous dream drainer editing web content. But it’s been fun, a roller coaster ride of tea time and trysts. As if that’s not enough, I decided to learn how to code.  My brain is not exploding, it’s expanding. And if it keeps expanding it will deform my head and I will possibly resemble a Klingon. 

Speaking of Klingons I just realized that I never knew Star Trek very well after watching Into Darkness in a theatre last month. At the end of the movie I realized just how gay it kind of is, not to take anything away from all the special effects and geek speak. The climax being two bros reuniting after risking each other’s lives for each other. Bad Chris Pine! Bad bad Zachary Quinto! Sit in the corner… NOPE bad idea. Just sit far, far apart from each other.

Chris Pine and Zachary Quinto

For the Little Children

“I believe the children are our future, Teach them well and let them lead the way…” Hehe! No I haven’t turned into a Belieber or a MJ wannabe. I just happened to have visited a children’s home a few days ago. There was once a time when I would get excited over kids, when singing lyrics such as those mentioned above would not seem foggly at all. Then someone left me with a 2 year old for a whole day and I discovered where the big nightmare had been hiding all along.

So this particular children’s home visit was a little less exciting than it would have been. Nevertheless, the stories of these kids lives were horrendous. I was shocked beyond sadness at the misfortunes they’ve been through - things that had been done to them by their own parents and grandparents. I’ve never been much of a humanitarian but when the owner of Agape Children’s home informed me that they were actually struggling to pay the bills for these kids I felt that something is really amiss in society. The best I could do is pray for the best for these kids and be there for them.

Different

You always felt different

Always thought different

Put pen to paper to answer the question

Your results came back different

They gave you the manual

But you read it out different

“Left not right!”

“Right not left!”

And it all sounded the same to you

You were just…

Indifferent

They marked you out for great accomplishments

But you knew not what accomplishment meant

And then when you took the nosedive

You wondered where the compliments went

It was simple in the beginning

You were winning!

You were grinning!

But in time the prize grew rusty

And gold became plastic

Currency, the new yardstick

Of life’s great achievements

Could have walked the common line

Could have embraced the template

Could have followed the tried design

Used the main gate

But no, oh no…

You were different